What Do You Want Your Life to Be About?
A caterpillar named Yellow was wondering what to do with her life when she noticed a gray-haired caterpillar hanging upside down on a nearby branch. He seemed to be caught in some kind of hairy stuff. She asked him if she could help as he seemed to be in trouble.
He answered, “No, my dear, I have to do this to become a butterfly.” When Yellow heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. She wanted to know more about what the word butterfly meant.
The gray-haired caterpillar said, “It’s what you are meant to become. It flies with beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It drinks nectar from the flowers and carries the seeds of love from one flower to another.”
Yellow was skeptical. “It can’t be true. How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm? How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.
“You must want to fly so much you are willing to give up being a caterpillar,” he answered. Yellow decided to risk becoming a butterfly. For courage, she hung right beside the other cocoon and began to spin her own.”1
What are you willing to give up so you can become what you wish to be? It takes courage to enter the darkness in order to be transformed and reach your potential despite the daily challenges you face.
What Makes Your Whole Insides Leap?
I’d guess that you care about spirituality and morality because OCD would not be targeting those values if you didn’t.
Every morning, take a moment to reflect on this question: “What causes my whole insides to leap?” Pay attention to how you align your actions with it, particularly when your scrupulous mind starts to wander.
It has been said that we are what we do. I’d like to add:
We are what we do, and what we do is, hopefully, what we truly value and care about most.
Scrupulosity OCD and Doubts
When you struggle with scrupulosity OCD, the incessant doubts, anxiety and other emotions related to your faith, can be excruciating. There may be moments when you contemplate departing from your faith. It can appear to be the most viable choice, particularly when you feel overwhelmed by those distressing internal struggles (such as anxiety, guilt, and doubt). While this perspective is understandable, the real question is: “Is that truly the most helpful decision?”
Avoidant behaviors can provide short-term relief from doubts and other painful experiences. And whether you are experiencing a faith crisis or struggling with scrupulosity OCD, what matters most is how you choose to spend your energy, effort, and attention.
Let the Scrupulous Mind Be
The mind’s main function is to keep you safe and comfortable. When OCD is present, your mind will magnify and twist your values and everything that you care about.
It can be challenging, yet there is a solution that may not align with your logical thinking, which often craves rationality. As you begin to understand the workings of your mind, you’ll realize that you are not obligated to follow every thought it presents.
Your Mind is NOT your Boss!
You can discover this through a simple exercise. For instance, allow your mind to command you with a statement like, “I cannot raise my arm.” Silently repeat this thought, then lift your arm for a moment. What do you notice? Alternatively, you might choose to walk from one side of the room to the other while repeating, “I cannot walk, I cannot walk.”
What insights do you gain from this? Clearly, you are not obligated to heed every word your mind utters, especially when those thoughts are counterproductive.
So, the next time your mind insists, “The awful images I keep experiencing make me unworthy of God’s love,” take a moment to acknowledge it: “I’m noticing that thought. Thank you, Mind!” You can allow your mind to express itself freely and recognize its presence without engaging in a dialogue (arguing, justifying, ruminating, obsessing, or succumbing to compulsions). Acknowledge your mind and let it be.
Focus on the Process
Our human tendency is to be in hurry to get somewhere. Creating new neural pathways takes time; be patient. Notice if you are willing to put in the work to find purpose and vitality in your life. Because uncertainty is part of the human experience, you can choose to change your relationship with it (i.e., faith crisis, scrupulosity or something else).
Recognize how you might already be navigating uncertainty in various aspects of your life. Observe the risks you take in those areas. You likely feel comfortable facing doubts that are not associated with the specific situations your OCD targets. Pay attention to when the doubts related to your OCD arise. Keep in mind that these doubts are still an internal experience that you can acknowledge, allowing them to unfold naturally.
Please remember: your thoughts, feelings, and doubts hold no significance until you decide how to react. The choice of your response is entirely yours. Notice whether your reactions are hindering you from leading the life you desire.
While the doubts may be unpleasant and unwanted, imagine how different your life could be if you refused to allow these doubts to drain the valuable time you have each day.
Life is waiting. You can do this!
References
- Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers (New York: Paulist Press, 1972).
Photo by Stephan Seeber on Unsplash
By Annabella Hagen, LCSW
