Mindset | Blog

Holding Anxiety Gently Expectations What’s the first thought that comes to mind when you wake up in the morning? Is it an anxious thought—maybe about all the things you should do today? Or maybe you’re setting expectations for yourself about what your day should look like? As soon as you notice your anxiety, what do you do? Do you start dreading the day and wonder whether your anxiety will ever subside? Have you noticed how the word expectation implies rigidity? When we place high or unrealistic expectations on ourselves, whether emotionally, physically, or even just about what we think we should accomplish today, our emotional well-being suffers. Now, that’s not to say you don’t need to have goals and dreams about your career

Challenges are certainly part of life, and expecting to be free of it all is not realistic, unless you are a kid. For example, one afternoon, my grandkids were doing art projects at my house. One of them decided to create something that was a little too ambitious for his age. When I realized he was no longer working on it, I asked: “What happened to your project?” He answered, “I quit. It was too hard.” I said, “Oh, that’s too bad.” His older sister quickly chimed in: “When things get tough; what do you do? Here are two steps:  You quit and then forget about it!” She likes to tease and be mischievous sometimes. Her parents often talk about doing hard things and to keep trying instead of quitting. So I said, “Sweetie, you can

You can apply these steps when you feel shame or other emotions! You can recognize that being imperfectly good is enough. You can change your relationship with the unpleasant internal experiences (e.g., anxiety, shame, guilt, and uncertainty) and find joy in what matters most to you—your values. Be patient and remember that though you may be imperfectly good, it is possible to navigate religious and moral anxiety (scrupulosity OCD) so you can release fear and find peace!

Next time you feel overwhelmed by shame, take a minute to think of a loved one who has experienced a failure, feels inadequate, or may be struggling with a challenge similar to yours. What would you say to acknowledge their feelings? (“I know you don’t like feeling this way. Shame hurts a lot.”) When you experience a difficult moment, what would a loved one say to you? Take a moment and think of your suffering. Imagine your loved one telling you these words. Then, change the statement and say it to yourself. (“I don’t like feeling this way. Shame hurts a lot!”) Experiencing scrupulosity OCD is an intense hardship. You need and deserve to treat yourself with kindness when shame shows up! Stories Across Faith: Navigating

We all have stories that may have initially triggered shame, guilt or other unpleasant feelings in our lives. When we were kids, we all fibbed to our parents. Do you remember what happened when you got caught and the grown-ups reprimanded you and expressed their disappointment? You might remember it as a funny or unpleasant story. Have you noticed how your amazing mind reminds you of it at times? The Amazing Human Mind The adults in our lives most likely had good intentions in correcting us. If in that very moment we experienced unpleasant feelings such as shame and guilt, our brain automatically recorded the link between the situation and the feelings and thoughts we were experiencing then. AND there is a slight little challe

Do you ever feel like you’re traveling through life unable to choose your own path? Have you picked up some annoying and scary passengers along the way? Sometimes it may feel like you’ve been blindfolded, unable to choose where you are going. You are the captain of your life boat, not your anxious mind! 

Todd grew up in a religious environment and believed that if he obeyed God’s commandments and follow the tenets of his religion, he would be blessed in many ways including having the spirit of God with him at all times. When he was younger he had spiritual experiences and as he got older he yearned to be closer to God. He thought that if he lived his religion perfectly, he would be greatly blessed. He became hyper focused on this goal. “I need to pray longer. I need to read more chapters from my scriptures. Am I being perfectly obedient? Do I have the right intentions? I need to engage in more service and teach my faith to everyone I meet. Did I sin? I’d better confess!” Todd didn’t know that the rigidity he was experiencing was

Julia loved her children more than anything else, but the intrusive thoughts about possibly harming them were relentless. She felt a great deal of shame. She didn’t dare share her thoughts with anyone for fear of being judged, or worst yet, losing her children. She had heard horrifying stories about mothers who lost their children because of abuse. “Will I be one of those moms? Am I going to harm my children?” The more she tried to get rid of those tormenting images and thoughts, the longer they seemed to stay. If you struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder, your OCD may be targeting what and who matters most to you in your life. That’s what the OCD mind does, and it is very painful. When those thoughts show up, you probab

Last October, Madeline Johnson, a video producer for BBC Reel, reached out and asked if she could interview me about Scrupulosity OCD. There isn’t enough awareness about this type of OCD, so I was glad to be a small part of this excellent BBC Reel presentation: Scrupulosity: The obsessive fear of not being good enough. Many individuals throughout the world often ask themselves in confusion, “Why are my faith and moral values causing me so much pain and suffering?” Eventually, through friends, relatives, or internet searches, they find out that their anxiety related to their faith and moral values actually has a name: scrupulosity obsessive-compulsive disorder. They feel great relief that there is actually a name for their anx

When things don’t go as expected, we can learn to respond in a flexible way. There are some days though, when we simply get stuck with our thoughts and feelings and react rigidly. That is just how it goes, even when we “know better.” For example, a few weeks ago, I had scheduled an appointment to have a standard medical exam that didn’t take place because “it got cancelled.” When the receptionist told me it was cancelled, I said, “I didn’t cancel it. If I had, I wouldn’t be here!” She didn’t seem empathetic. I asked her to check who may have cancelled it, and to see if I could still have the test. She called the lab and they said I could come back in two hours. After looking in the computer, she discovered their “system” had auto