OCD: The Bow You Need to Keep on Tying!

By Annabella Hagen, LCSW

More than a decade ago, I met someone who, after just a few therapy sessions, shared a powerful analogy about their own experience with OCD. They said,

OCD is like a bow I have to keep tying. No matter how much I want it to stay tied so I can move on with my life, it just keeps coming undone. And I can’t resist the urge to tie it again.

Together, we worked through this challenge, and they learned how to respond differently to the relentless urge to “tie the bow.”

How about you? No matter what type of OCD you’re struggling with, does the urge to “tie the bow” – the doubt, the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts –feel overwhelming.

Giving in to that urge becomes the compulsion. And even though you logically know that the relief is only temporary, the distress in that moment feels unbearable. So, you end up giving in—tying the bow once again.

But what if you didn’t? What if you learned how to respond differently to the discomfort, and let the bow remain untied?

Le me share a few ideas on how how you can start doing that:

We have an amazing built-in machine —the problem-solving machine—otherwise known as the mind! It helps us come up with solutions for any external dilemmas we may find ourselves in daily.

For example, when our kitchen faucet is leaking, we either fix it or call the handy man to repair it. When items get worn out or broken, we get rid of them and get new ones. We can count on our amazing problem-solving machine’s powers to help us get out of about almost any sticky situation. 

However, when individuals experience internal challenges such as intrusive thoughts related to their OCD, the problem-solving machine will provide solutions and advice that may appear to make sense, but may end up not being effective at all.

•  “Is this real love? Did I make the right choice? Would I be happier with someone else?”
• “What if someone breaks in my house? What if my child is kidnapped?”
• “Did I offend God with my awful thoughts? What if I can’t be forgiven?”
• “Will I hurt my child? I would never do that, but what if I do!”
• “Did I wash my hands long enough to ensure I won’t contaminate my kids with the flu?”

These are samples of common questions that may show up whether we have OCD or not. However, when individuals experience OCD, their amazing problem-solving machine (the mind) will instinctively provide advice to try to figure out the answers.

OCD is like the bow you have to keep on tying. The bow being tied represents OCD.

The problem is that no matter what the mind comes up with, the answers never appear to be sufficient to satisfy the uncertainty the OCD sufferer experiences.

The OCD mind and its doubts will persevere until you find an answer to the obsessional doubts:

•  “Is this real love? Did I make the right choice? Would I be happier with someone else?”
• “What if someone breaks in my house? What if my child is kidnapped?”
• “Did I offend God with my awful thoughts? What if I can’t be forgiven?”
• “Will I hurt my child? I would never do that, but what if I do!”
• “Did I wash my hands long enough to ensure I won’t contaminate my kids with the flu?”

The incessant doubts can feel unbearable and often painful. Many individuals struggling with OCD wish they could find the absolute answer and be able to move on with their lives. It’s been said that OCD is the doubting disease.

Uncertainty is the driving force behind OCD. The need to know the consequence of their thoughts or behaviors leads individuals to compulsions—the bow that you need to keep on tying.

The good news is that even though OCD is a chronic illness, it is treatable and individuals can learn to let uncertainty stay untied. Learning to be comfortable with uncertainty takes time, patience, and work.

The first step towards allowing the bow of uncertainty to stay untied is awareness.

• Start noticing if the compulsions (either mental or behavioral) provide short or long-term results.
• Keep a log so you can discover if what you are doing is working and is getting you closer to living a meaningful life.

Each day that you have the urge to keep on tying the OCD bow, see if you can change, delay, limit, schedule, or replace the compulsion.

These are small steps that can get you started back to where you want to be in life.

Don’t forget that as Lao Tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

It is possible; you can do it!

You can learn to do something different other than giving in to your compulsions (keep tying the bow).

Share this video with your loved ones who might be struggling with letting the bow stay untied!