Mindset | Blog

Can you develop kindness and compassion for your present self as you would for a young child? Will you be willing to be imperfectly good and live your values–do what matters most in your life? Some people worry that in loving themselves they’re being selfish and, worse, narcissistic. The reality is that the scrupulous mind is leading you to become the extreme opposite of a narcissist. As you get fused with unhelpful thoughts and feelings, you begin to feel miserable and fail to give yourself even a crumb of love. It is not effective, is it? Would God want you to mistreat yourself? You can develop self-compassion skills when you a) connect to the present moment of pain, b) remember your common humanity with others, and

Life is difficult, and when scrupulosity OCD is present, it can be tremendously hard! The good news is that you can learn how to respond to your thoughts and feelings. You can choose to live with vitality even when those unpleasant thoughts and feelings are present. When you don’t engage with the unhelpful thoughts, you can start creating new brain pathways that will allow you to be free from the scrupulosity trap. You can be imperfectly good and live your faith and other values you care about most in your life!

Are your fears compelling you to constantly look for reassurance? Your yearning for coherence with your thoughts can lead you to cease doing those activities that bring you joy. (“I wish I could be with my friends, but my ugly thoughts may show up, so I’d better stay home.”) Uncertainty is unpleasant and naturally creates other uncomfortable internal experiences. Reassurance-seeking is the easiest path. Even though you may not realize it, private compulsions may be your current go-to rituals to find relief. What are you willing to do to decrease this pervasive compulsion? Notice how often you look for reassurance either mentally or behaviorally?

Treating anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder became personal for me years before I became a psychotherapist. Unbeknownst to my husband and me, our youngest son’s early childhood stubborn streaks were an indication of his anxiety challenges. By the time he was in elementary school, his “just so” behaviors were evident, but we hoped he would grow out of them. By middle school, we realized he needed professional help. Long story short, we literally “took the tour” around the different cities in our state in search of a therapist who knew how to treat anxiety disorders and OCD, to no avail. It wasn’t until our son was in his early twenties that he himself found a specialist from California. Our experience motivated me

What shows up in your mind and body when you see these images? Have you ever gone on a white-water rafting excursion in your life? If you are a white-water rafting fan, you probably yearn to go back to turbulent waters and experience the adrenaline rush. If you ask me, this was a once-in a life time experience for my family. None of us wish to ever repeat that event in our lives! As I began to write “Imperfectly Good,” I thought of my rafting experience and my clients who struggle with fears related to their religious and moral anxiety (Scrupulosity OCD). Many of them report, “It is as if I’m drowning on dry land.” So they fight for their lives and do whatever they can to escape the turbulent waters within them. Their frightful e

Do you ever feel like you’re traveling through life unable to choose your own path? Have you picked up some annoying and scary passengers along the way? Sometimes it may feel like you’ve been blindfolded, unable to choose where you are going. You are the captain of your life boat, not your anxious mind! 

Looking back at historical monuments is interesting. Speculating how things came about can be fun. But is trying to make sense of a past event working out for you? Have you noticed where obsessing and ruminating takes you? An event from the past is history and a memory. It’s no longer a fact no matter how often you go back in time. You can learn to live in the present!

When your mind gets too loud, are you willing to be flexible with what it says? You don’t have to be bound by the rules your anxious mind is imposing upon you. You can develop mental and emotional flexibility!

How often do you avoid or opt out of situations because they cause anxiety, uncertainty, or other unpleasant emotions? Consider what may be on the other side of your fear. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some

Or do you feel like you are going up and down a flight of stairs without a purpose? Are you spending excessive hours worrying and engaging in unhelpful behaviors? Is the urge to find certainty getting in the way of finding meaning in your life? There is hope!