Mindset | Blog

[View original article published in Psych Central here] Chuck said he wasn’t sure if he really loved his fiancée. Yes, there were times, when he was certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But lately, the doubts were constant and he thought he should break the engagement. The wedding was two weeks away. He had experienced obsessive-compulsive disorder challenges since he was a teenager. He had mistakenly learned to deal with the symptoms by rationalizing and neutralizing his thoughts, thus he didn’t think his doubts about his fiancée had anything to do with OCD. Experiencing the jitters and cold feet can be a normal reaction to this significant milestone. So, was it a big deal? On the phone he informed me his family had in

 A TED talk about “Faking it until you become it!” Amy Cuddy talks about the research that has been done regarding non-verbal cues and interactions we have with others.  She also talks about how our nonverbal expressions, thoughts, feelings and physiology affect us. We know that our minds can change our bodies and she decided to find out if our bodies can change our minds.  Her research confirmed that indeed our bodies can change our minds and our lives in meaningful ways!  She tells about her own personal story when she was 19 years old after a car accident.  This TED talk is very powerful and I usually recommend clients to view it. If you experience social anxiety and doubts about yourself, this talk may greatly benefit you. E

[View original article published in the Daily Herald here] “There are two lasting bequests that we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings.” Hodding Carter, Jr. All parents remember the emotions experienced when their first child was born. Besides boundless joy we also experienced an overwhelming sense of responsibility.  We realized we needed to make adjustments. For instance, when a young friend became a father for the first time, he and his wife were worried about leaving the hospital with their little girl. The hospital was about 15 minutes away from their house if they traveled on the highway. They chose to go the slower — but safer — route through the city streets out of concern for their little

[View original article published in Psych Central here] Four-year-old Max would crumple his paper when his drawing wasn’t perfect. He would start over, and often grow angry and eventually give up. His parents noticed his rigidity, but hoped he would grow out of it. When he was seven, the demands on himself and others were still troubling him and his family. His parents were frustrated. Are your children inflexible? Do they set high standards that overwhelm them? Do they complain of not having friends and feeling isolated? Do they procrastinate often? Do they go from one extreme to the other with certain behaviors, such as being studious and responsible academically to not caring at all? Do they beat themselves up and feel like a failure whe

[View original article published in Psych Central here] I once met a young man who had had many successes in his youth. He was intelligent and outgoing. He had always been the star in high school and had enjoyed the praise he received from others, but something was amiss. As we talked, I discovered that his perfectionism was getting in the way. He was feeling depressed and exhausted. He couldn’t keep up with the demands he had set for himself. He said, “My teachers think I’m gifted. They have no idea how much time I spend on each of my assignments. Now, I have to keep up with those expectations. I don’t think I can do this anymore!” Sometimes parents are unable to recognize the signs and later lament themselves. They wish they had noticed t

[Published by MomClick Utah and The Daily Herald here] If you were to compile a list of life skills you believe your children need to succeed in their lives, what would they be? Vision, confidence and heart are three life skills that work together like pieces of a puzzle. You may want to add them to your list and make them part of your family culture. Vision “Dream it, believe it, achieve it.” We have all heard this quote. Here is a story of a young man who made this quote a reality:  Anthony Robles was born with one leg. None of the doctors could explain why. Growing up, his mother taught him that “God made you this way for a reason,” and she made him believe it. In junior high he joined the wrestling team at his sc

Rick was eighteen when he came in for his first session.  His main goal was to learn ways to get rid of his “bad” thoughts and the anxiety and guilt that accompanied those obsessions.  “They are torturing me,” he said.  We reviewed the OCD cycle and learned the necessary steps to start interrupting it. Rick knew the triggers that caused his obsessive thoughts and how they brought excruciating anxiety and guilt.  He was surprised to learn that his singing, praying, and reciting were compulsions that were reinforcing the OCD cycle.  He mistakenly believed that compulsions were supposed to be “weird” or silly behaviors.  He found out that anything he did to find relief was actually a compulsion. He said, “Sometimes I analyze my thoughts and t

[Published by MomClick Utah and The Daily Herald here.] “A company without a vision cannot succeed. And a vision without a plan is the recipe for failure.” — Kevin Harrington, ABC’s “Shark Tank” judge Our lives are loaded with plans: business plans, retirement plans, health insurance plans, workout plans and vacation plans. But what about having a parenting plan? Parenting is just like any other undertaking in life. To increase our chances of a successful outcome, we usually need to know where we are going, and how we are going to get there. I would like to suggest a three-part parenting plan that will hopefully provide you with some ideas to implement in your family. For best results, the three parts of

[Published by MomClick Utah and The Daily Herald here.] Imagine for a moment that when you were recently taking down your Christmas tree, you found one last present. It was hidden behind the tree. Your children see their names on the present and are excited! The gift is from you to them. You have purposely saved it for last because it is the greatest gift they will ever receive from you. What is it? What could it possibly be? What would be the best present that you could ever give to your children? What gift could you give them that would have the longest-lasting impact on their lives? The answer: Being a good parent. My next few articles will address research-based “best practices” in parenting. Let’s begin by addressing