Mindset | Blog

Do you have a difficult time being kind to yourself? Loving yourself may not even feel like an option according to your anxious mind. It may say, “You don’t deserve love because….”  You probably can fill in the blank with many unhelpful statements your rule-making mind typically whispers each time you hear someone talk about self-compassion. As we grew up, we were influenced by many people. Words and teachings from our well-meaning parents, teachers, coaches, faith leaders, and society in general have influenced how we think about ourselves. Maybe you grew up hearing, “Good boys don’t cry. Good girls should be nice all the time. You’re not trying hard enough. You should know better!” The list goes on and on. Do you remember ho

Todd grew up in a religious environment and believed that if he obeyed God’s commandments and follow the tenets of his religion, he would be blessed in many ways including having the spirit of God with him at all times. When he was younger he had spiritual experiences and as he got older he yearned to be closer to God. He thought that if he lived his religion perfectly, he would be greatly blessed. He became hyper focused on this goal. “I need to pray longer. I need to read more chapters from my scriptures. Am I being perfectly obedient? Do I have the right intentions? I need to engage in more service and teach my faith to everyone I meet. Did I sin? I’d better confess!” Todd didn’t know that the rigidity he was experiencing was

“Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny.” –Thomas S. Monson You are most likely familiar with stories of courage in the Old Testament. They can help you remember to utilize your faith while engaging in treatment for mental and emotional health challenges like OCD, severe anxiety, or depression. Courage and Trust Joshua was advised to be strong and of good courage. He trusted the Lord. He was told to take the Israelites across the Jordan River. If you had been one of the priests, how would you have felt if you had been asked to step into the flooding river while carrying the Ark of the Covenant? Would you ha

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought of itself.” What happens when you keep worrying about the future, focusing on mistakes of the past, or judging yourself every day? Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as “Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” As we do this, we become observers without making evaluations or judgments about our internal (e.g., thoughts, memories, evaluations, feelings, sensations, and urges) experiences. When you struggle with life’s challenges, your anxious mind provides advice so you can protect yourself from pain and discomfort. Are the coping strategies you are using now providing you with a vital and mean

Allie seemed to enjoy her friends and extracurricular activities. She was a busy teenager but preferred to spend more time engaging in religious behaviors (e.g., praying, singing religious songs, and reading scriptures) than her friends. Allie’s parents had noticed her altruist behavior and dedication and often praised her for it. Allie’s behaviors were driven by her guilt, shame, and uncertainty. The urge to serve others did not seem to satisfy her doubts. Allie and her parents had not realized that her excessive devotion to follow her moral and religious beliefs were actually an indication she was struggling with scrupulosity OCD. “Do I deserve God’s blessings? Am I good enough? Didn’t Jesus say to be as perfect as he is? These

Julia loved her children more than anything else, but the intrusive thoughts about possibly harming them were relentless. She felt a great deal of shame. She didn’t dare share her thoughts with anyone for fear of being judged, or worst yet, losing her children. She had heard horrifying stories about mothers who lost their children because of abuse. “Will I be one of those moms? Am I going to harm my children?” The more she tried to get rid of those tormenting images and thoughts, the longer they seemed to stay. If you struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder, your OCD may be targeting what and who matters most to you in your life. That’s what the OCD mind does, and it is very painful. When those thoughts show up, you probab

Do we need a holiday about love to be reminded to love others? Probably not. How about a reminder to be kind and loving to ourselves? When things go wrong and we make mistakes, our natural reaction may be to beat ourselves up, but this response doesn’t provide the joy we all yearn for in our lives. Some people have a list of reasons for not loving themselves. The belief that “even a crumb of love” will lead them to become selfish and uncaring human beings might be included on that list. This assumption may be based on their mind’s unhelpful advice and negative experiences. Though this approach is ineffective, they become stuck with these views. According to research, in order to experience better mental, physical and emotional we

Last October, Madeline Johnson, a video producer for BBC Reel, reached out and asked if she could interview me about Scrupulosity OCD. There isn’t enough awareness about this type of OCD, so I was glad to be a small part of this excellent BBC Reel presentation: Scrupulosity: The obsessive fear of not being good enough. Many individuals throughout the world often ask themselves in confusion, “Why are my faith and moral values causing me so much pain and suffering?” Eventually, through friends, relatives, or internet searches, they find out that their anxiety related to their faith and moral values actually has a name: scrupulosity obsessive-compulsive disorder. They feel great relief that there is actually a name for their anx

Faith may be a value that matters most to you. Yet, you may feel that you are not living up to it. You may believe that you are not deserving of God’s love. You may also think that your religion is too rigid, and may want to abandon it to find respite from uncertainty, anxiety, guilt, shame and other unpleasant emotions. No matter how much you try to change how you feel and think, you may have noticed that you keep getting stuck with those emotions and thoughts. Is your faith causing you to suffer? On one side, you value faith; on the other side, it may be causing you emotional and mental pain. Don’t despair. It is how you view your struggles that can make all the difference!

“Additional tutoring and suffering appears to be the pattern for the Lord’s most apt pupils. Our existence, therefore, is a continuum matched by God’s stretching curriculum.” Neal A. Maxwell1 Society’s Influence Our society has come up with some amazing antidotes to unhappiness, and we can sometimes conclude that we are not supposed to suffer. We can then easily forget our spiritual “why.” Even though we read and hear talks from our prophets and leaders, our minds get stuck with the idea that “I’m supposed to be happy all the time.” “There must be something wrong with me if I’m not happy.” Finding the emotional cure seems to elude us all when we seek it even more. Sometimes we begin to focus on anything that will provi