When OCD Feels Like a Third Wheel in Your Romantic Relationship

John and Laura’s Story
John struggled with OCD, and intrusive thoughts often showed up during emotional or romantic moments—like movie nights with Laura. When she picked a romantic film, John would usually become anxious, fearing a spike in obsessive thoughts. When he’d try to avoid the discomfort, Laura felt frustrated because  OCD seemed to be running their relationship. They both felt unheard.

Sound familiar?

OCD can be tough on relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them. With open communication and mutual support, you can stay connected and strengthen your relationship—even when OCD shows up.

1. Communicate Openly and Compassionately

OCD creates confusion on both sides. The partner with OCD might feel ashamed or misunderstood. The other partner might feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells.

Consider:

• Validating, instead of criticizing:
  “I see this is tough. Want to use a strategy you’ve practiced?”
• Talking when things are calm:
  “I don’t want you to avoid movies for me, but I might need a moment to regroup.”
• Agreeing on supportive boundaries:
  Clarify what’s helpful vs. what enables OCD.

2. Use Assertive, Not Passive or Aggressive Communication

OCD can create emotional landmines. That’s why assertiveness matters.

• Assertive: “This is hard, and I want to work through it together.”
• Passive: “It’s fine” (when it’s not).
• Aggressive: Leads to blame or shutdowns.

Use “I” statements. Ask rather than assume. Don’t wait for a perfect moment—just a calm one.

3. Focus on What You Can Control

OCD is real—and so is the pressure it creates.

• If you have OCD: You cannot control the thoughts, but you can choose your response. Refrain from engaging in compulsions, focus on your love for your partner, doing what matters in your life, and seek therapy if possible.
• If you’re the partner: You cannot fix the OCD, but you can support without enabling. Hold boundaries while showing compassion.

“Will this comment help us—or am I venting at OCD through my partner?”

Care for the Relationship, Not Just OCD

Your relationship deserves nurturing. Make time for fun, affection, and shared experiences outside of OCD.

Remember:

• You’re building empathy and resilience.
• You’re a team—not just “someone with OCD and their partner.”

Consider working with an OCD-informed therapist to strengthen both your relationship and your ability to manage OCD together.

You + Your Partner vs. OCD

You didn’t choose OCD, but you can choose how to face it together. Let your communication reflect your love, hope, and strength.

You’re not alone—and you’re not broken.

Real Voices:

“I was scared to explain my OCD, but when she asked how to support me without feeding it, everything shifted.”
—Daniel, 32

“I used to say ‘Don’t worry,’ but now I sit with him and remind him he doesn’t have to listen to OCD. We’re learning to fight it together.”
—Maria, 29

By Annabella Hagen, LCSW

Photo by Marcin Skalij on Unsplash