You meet someone special, and things feel great—until your mind starts questioning, “Do I really like them? Is this the right relationship? What if I stop loving them?” These doubts, especially if they’re persistent and overwhelming, might signal relationship OCD, a lesser-known but impactful form of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Relationship OCD isn’t just about fearing contamination or catastrophes. It can lead you to fixate on doubts about your partner’s traits, your feelings, or the relationship itself. You might ruminate endlessly, search online for answers, or ask questions that never satisfy the anxiety. These thoughts can distract you from enjoying your partner and sabotage your connection.

Signs Relationship OCD Might Be at Play

• Unanswerable Doubts: You obsess over future-oriented questions like, “Will I love them in a year? What if I’m with the wrong person?” No amount of thinking resolves these.
• Persistent Behaviors: Ruminating, overanalyzing, reassurance seeking, or problem-solving becomes urgent and fuels anxiety, disrupting your life.
• Feeling Overwhelmed: You try to “fix” doubts by reviewing past moments or worrying about the future, leaving you exhausted.
• Distraction during moments of connection: OCD hijacks your attention with intrusive thoughts or perceived flaws about your partner—either in the moment or afterward—leaving you confused and anxious.

How to Respond Differently to OCD Thoughts

1. Choose Your Focus: You can decide where to place your attention. When OCD thoughts arise, acknowledge them and gently shift back to the present moment with your partner, rather than spiraling into rumination.

• Limit Rumination Time: When the urge to ruminate feels overwhelming, set a timer for 25 seconds to let your mind run through its “river of words” (Inspired by Russ Harris). Then, set another 25 seconds to focus on three senses—like observing a pen with sight, touch, or sound. If distracted, gently refocus on the pen with your three senses. Repeat this practice three times daily, noting what you learn about choosing where to focus.

• Postpone Rumination: When OCD insists you must figure out your thoughts and feelings now, tell your mind, “We’ll talk at 6 p.m.!” Often, the urge fades. If it persists, practice the river-of-words exercise above.

Enjoy the Moment

By ruminating less, you weaken OCD’s grip and strengthen your ability to be present. This clarity lets you truly connect with your partner and discover if you enjoy their company, free from your mind’s endless chatter. You have the power to choose what to focus on—don’t let OCD decide for you.

Photo by Tara-mae Miller on Unsplash