As parents, we want nothing more than for our children to thrive—within their unique abilities, interests, and potential. We hope they become resilient, courageous, and kind. But when mental health challenges like OCD enter the picture, our dreams for them—and with them—can fall apart. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or even heartbroken at times.
As both a clinician specializing in OCD and a parent of a son with OCD, I’ve walked in those shoes. I’ve cried, prayed, and even wished I could take the OCD upon myself just to give him relief. If you’ve ever had similar thoughts, know that you’re not alone.
When OCD is present, it impacts the whole family. I remember times when my son was stuck in “just right” compulsions. My husband’s and my patience wore thin despite our prayers and love for him.
It’s painful to see your relationship with your child become strained by a mental health condition like OCD.
Still, hope is real—and don’t let your pessimistic side of your mind tell you otherwise. There are powerful ways we can show up for our kids no matter their age and type of OCD they are experiencing.
The foundation? Unconditional love!
Here are four essential tips to help you with it:
1. Reconnect with Your Love
Remember your child as a newborn—helpless, precious, and deeply loved. That same child is still there, underneath the struggles. Revisit those early memories when things feel especially hard. Let that deep love be your guide.
2. Step Into Their Experience
Imagine what it’s like to live with fear every day. Even if you don’t have OCD yourself, try to picture an invisible, internal bully shouting constant demands and threats. That’s what your loved one faces each time. Their behaviors may seem illogical, but their fear feels real.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control your child’s rituals or fears—but you can control how you respond. Rather than trying to “fix” them in moments of distress, focus on being a steady, calm presence. Until treatment begins to help your child, recognize they have choices when it comes to that bully in their mind. They will more likely be more tuned in to OCD than to you. That’s not personal—it’s the nature of the illness.
4. Love Without Enabling
Unconditional love doesn’t mean giving constant reassurance or accommodating compulsions. It also doesn’t mean harsh correction or criticism. It means:
- Acknowledging their pain without judgment
- Validating their efforts
- Seeking out small moments of connection
- Communicating clearly, calmly, and consistently
- Reinforcing boundaries without shaming
- Recognizing and validating their strengths
- Modeling self-compassion and self-forgiveness
Loving your child unconditionally means walking a fine line—one that takes patience, self-awareness, and practice. It also means showing up again and again with love, even when things feel messy.
Supporting your child with OCD whether they are kids, adolescents, or adults is a difficult journey. And you don’t have to do it alone. Connect with family and friends who can provide the support your family needs. Consider joining a support group for parents of children with OCD. With time, skills, and support, you and your child can find joy and meaning despite the OCD.
Remember: deep, steady, and unconditional love is the most powerful tool you have.
Small, consistent moments of connection build resilience—for both of you.
Consider taking these steps:
- Pause and reflect: Take 5 minutes today to remember a moment when your child brought you joy—before OCD took center stage.
- Connect intentionally: Do one small thing today to connect with your child—without focusing on their OCD.
- Seek support: If you haven’t already, reach out to a therapist or support group that specializes in OCD. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
